15 & Pregnant

Yes, you read the title correct.  That was me, 15 and pregnant.  I was 15 and pregnant, way before it was cool to be 15 and pregnant.  Now, they have a show about teen pregnancies and being a teen mom.  I don’t understand why they glamorize it.  There is nothing glamorous about it.  Did I have help?  Yes, I had more help than I even understood at the time.  Was it still hard?  Yes, more than I can probably explain.

Let’s start with OMG!!  I am PREGNANT!!!  I didn’t have a regular cycle, I didn’t from the time I got my period.  I always assumed this was because I was always active.  So missing a period or two was the norm for me.  As I just typed all of this out, I just realized what you are all probably thinking first, how did she get pregnant at 15?  Yes, I was having sex.  I had a steady boyfriend for almost a year when it happened.  He was two years older than me and I was like most girls advanced both mentally and physically for my age.  My parents divorced when I was in the 6th grade, so I spent a lot of time by myself, especially when your Mom is an alcoholic crack head.  So turning up 15 and pregnant isn’t the worst that could have happened to me if you really think about it.  So back on track.  It’s like month 3 and still no period.  I didn’t even take a test, I knew I was expecting.  Needless to say that kind of put a damper on our relationship for the majority of the pregnancy.  It was too late to get an abortion, not to mention I wasn’t keen on the idea.  So I continued to do what I normally did.  I played softball for those first 5 months, it was my life back then.  It was also summertime.  So I went to the pool like always with my friends, yes I was still strutting my stuff in a bikini and no one was the wiser.  Then September rolled around and BAM! I got FAT! Okay, not fat but I started to show.  Now it was time to actually hide it.  At this point my parents still didn’t know.  Rumors were flying at school.  Then somehow it got to my Mom.  And the secret was out.  Holy crap!  She can tell my Dad, I’m not.  I prefer to live another day.

So now both of my parents know.  Then we go and talk to his parents.  It was a bad week for them.  His grandpa had just died, their house had been hit by lightening and here we are with some great news.  My parents knew they couldn’t take care of a baby and I had plans for college, I was a good student and I played sports, so the potential for scholarships was there.  My parents told them I was putting the baby up for adoption.  They were not happy at all.  At this point I still had not been to the doctor.  I didn’t have my first visit until I was 6 months along.  To make matters worse, I had never been to a female doctor before EVER and this guy barely spoke english.  So I am still flying solo in this deal.  My Dad didn’t want to talk about it and my Mom was always wasted.  So then we met with the attorney.  He lined up adoptive parents and everything is all set.  There is still some resentment between my ex-in-laws and my parents because they claim that I was going to be paid some money in addition to my medical bills being paid, but I don’t remember anything like that.  I’m pretty sure that is illegal.  Besides I sought them out.

So the time comes.  I have one scare and go to the hospital, it’s just braxton hicks contractions, go home, it’s not time they say.  Okay fine!  Then 2am, the day after my 16th birthday, NOW it’s time, I can feel it.  Hey Dad, wake up and take me to the hospital NOW!!  Well, I was dilated but not in labor yet, but they kept me.  My Mom finally showed up, WASTED out of her mind.  I called him before school to tell him I was in the hospital, he didn’t show up until after she was born.  So about 11am they decided to do an ultra-sound, my Dad went out for a cigarette.  That’s when it started.  Holy COW, I’ve never been in so much pain in my life!  I was screaming bloody murder, my Mom didn’t even budge.  I was yelling at her, NOTHING.  This is before I knew she did anything besides drink.  I was so confused.  Then Dad came back and they got the nurses, they will be in with the epidural.  He wakes her up and tells her to get out.

Epidural in.  Dad said it was horrible to watch that.  Baby comes at 3:16pm.  I heard her cry and my heart broke.  I wanted to hold that little miracle so bad but I had to stay strong.  She was MINE but she wasn’t.  I cried under a towel so no one would know.  Here comes baby Daddy at 6pm.  Mind you, I have already had numerous friends come to visit and family.  My room is filled with flowers and gifts.  After being pretty distant for the last 6 months, he decides to say let’s keep her.  After going through what I just went through, I said Okay.  Hearing that cry after all of that pain and hard work, I knew I couldn’t live a single day with myself if I gave her away.  I was still reluctant and didn’t hold my precious angel until the next day, I was waiting for the bottom to fall out.

In the end, it all worked and so began my adventure in motherhood.  I had no idea why I had been chosen to walk this path but I knew there was a reason.  A reason I would figure out in 10 years.  At the age of 26 it all made sense.

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